The Rogues Gallery

The Flat Earth Society – Or Who the Hell is Grigori Efimovich?

I have, on occasion, received questions about the Flat Earth Society. This group ostensibly believes that the earth is flat and that all claims of a spherical earth are the product of a satanic conspiracy of evil scientists. I have resisted writing about the flat earthers before because I could never figure out if they took themselves seriously, and I didn’t want to fall into the trap of debunking satire. Well, I finally sunk my teeth into the question again and have come to the conclusion that some flat earthers are serious while others are not.

Wikipedia (while not definitive is never a bad place to start) gives a good summary of the history of belief in a flat earth. The long and short of it as the the Flat Earth Society has had various incarnations and names, but essentially they are bible-thumping creationists who interpret the scripture ultra-literally as saying that the earth is flat and therefore they must deny all modern science that contradicts this belief. In a 1981 article in the Skeptical Inquirer, Robert J. Schadewald explains that flat earthism is part of a continuum from liberal creationism to moderate geocentrism to fully conservative flat eartherness. All these belief systems trump science with scripture, they differ only in how openly ignorant and anti-scientific one wishes to be.

The Talk Origins website (an excellent source of information on evolution and creationism) takes the Flat Earth Society seriously and documents their real existence. However, this web page dates from 1993. It seems that Charles Johnson, the leader of the modern incarnation of the flat earthers, died on March 19, 2001. I am uncertain if his society has survived in any significant form after his death.

There is still a group calling itself the Flat Earth Society, and they have a website dedicated to promoting their beliefs. However, I note that the url of this website is obscure and also that www.flatearthsociety.org exists but is currently down. Reading this working website I have the impression that I am reading subtle satire. There is nothing overtly satirical on the sight, but I find the coherent writing style at odds with this absurd anti-science being spouted. Contrast this with the writings of Charles Johnson – now these are the incoherent rantings I would expect from someone who believes the world is flat. Here’s a taste:

The Fact the Earth is Flat is not my opinion, it is a Proved Fact. Also demonstrated Sun and Moon are about 3,000 miles away are both 32 miles across. The Planets are ‘tiny.’ Sun and Moon do Move, earth does NOT move, whirl, spin or gyrate. Australians do NOT hang by their feet under the world…this is a FACT, not a theory! Also a Fact the Spinning, Whirling, Gyrating Ball World Planet, Globe Idea is Entirely 100% now and at all times in the Past, a RELIGIOUS DOCTRINE…a Blind Dogmatic Article of Faith in the Religion for the Blind unreasoning beast of prey. No earthly reason for a Sane, Upright Member of the Elite Elect Humans to subscribe to it. Also a Fact, today the Elite of Earth ALL live on the Flat World. Only the illogical, unreasoning “herd”…prefers the way-out occult weird theology of the old Greek superstitution earth a spinning ball! Both Copernecious and Newton, the inventors of the “modern” superstitions (400 year OLD modern) have said: “It is not possible for a Sane reasonable person to ever really believe these Theories.” Thus sayeth Newton-Copernecious. What sayeth THOU?

Now that is the rambling nonsense I expect. By contrast this current Flat Earth Society website sounds almost reasonable:

Although we have, through the years, made significant progress towards understanding the viewpoint of Efimovich’s followers, we still recognize the holes in the intricate web Efimovich wove. Ours is the truth, the truth of the world’s flatness, and ours is also the burden of proof. We are the minority, the followers of lies being the majority, and we gladly accept our burden, if in the end that acceptance means ridding the world of the foul half-truths spread by Grigori Efimovich and his brood of vipers. We present the following five arguments, each completely logical and to some degree building off of the arguments before it. We hope that, after carefully considering what we say here, you will look a with a little less ridicule on the Flat Earth Society and its members.

Perhaps they just have better editors (or any editors). This passage brings me back to my title question, who the hell is Grigori Efimovich. A quick Google search reveals that this is the name of none other than Rasputin – the Russian mystic who plagues Tsar Nicholas II and his family. What does he have to do with a flat earth? Nothing. The Grigori Efimovich referred to by these flat earthers was the real name of a medieval con man also known as Christopher Columbus, who managed to convince the world with mirrors and trickery that the world was round. Why invent this fiction? Well, whether serious or satirical, it gives the flat earthers their Darwin.

Creationists love to refer to evolution as “Darwinism” because it makes them feel they are opposing the sectarian beliefs of a single person, followed blindly by his flock, rather than an actual scientific discipline. The flat earthers wanted a Darwin too, so they invented Grigori Efimovich. Now, all of the astronomy, physics, and geology that overwhelming support a spherical earth can be referred to as the lies of Efimovich. Brilliant.

I won’t bother debunking the actual claims of the Flat Earth Society – not because I don’t enjoy deconstructing nonsense and illogic, but because I don’t think they are serious. Still, it can be a useful exercise to figure out exactly why even the most absurd scientific rambling are wrong. I particularly like the argument based upon the ether. But I will leave that fun to you.

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Addendum:

The flatearthsociety.org website is now up. I guess they was only temporarily down. It is a forum for the discussion of flat earth and other wacky ideas. Take a look at it. It is filled with the most simplistic post-hoc rationalizations and conspiracy thinking I have seen. They claim to be serious, however a bright 5-year-old could easily dismantle their arguments.